jonathanboucher:    -     Do you honestly think it’s a coincidence that the words “good” and “goose” start with the same three letters? Are you really that fucking stupid?

  THESE were the good ol’ days of my b log . before i literall y became a gian t sack of harmony kkorine lovin’ shit

(via theassdownloader)      Source: waxbill


(c)2013 swag bro

I love fucking chicks with my hard ween.

I love porno’s.


welll everyone (noone) i am returning to the blog and followers now that i have been discovered .  onetimemanatee.tumblr.com  .

Criterion Fan Club Dinner And Dessert


Alphabet soup (find all the letters that spell “I love criterion so much” and keep them. Discard any other letters, so each bowl says “I love criterion so much”)

Criterion Doughnuts (You cut them to look like the criterion logo)

(Source: common-houseplants)


@XboxSupport1: No u cant fuck ur xbox one. stop asking. u cant fuck it and if u try it will lock around your penis. ur games will be deleted. mtn dew and doritos will forever taste like ashes in ur mouth. ^AC

(via muscleluvr4-deactivated20140223)


I’ve been all the way with a girl if by “all the way” you mean that I took a CPR certification course two years ago and did the chest pumping thing on a plastic person that was shaped like a girl without nipples so I pretty much touched boobs. I knew that it didn’t have nipples because I lifted up the shirt before doing the pumping part. The instructor yelled at me and told me that I was wasting time and that plastic person was dying. I tried to explain what I was trying to do, but she wouldn’t listen. She told me to leave the class so I never got certified. I did get in a few good chest pumps before she and her assistant pulled me off and dragged me out of the room, though. 

So to answer your question - No, I am not a doctor and I do not technically know CPR so I cannot help your choking husband. 

(Source: heckacute)